They say that if you place a frog in a pot of water and slowly heat the pot, the frog will boil to death without even realizing it. Conversely, if you throw a frog into a pot of boiling water, the frog will make a quick exit. Now that I have sufficiently terrified my animal-rights friends, let me create a deeper context for the above metaphor.

When does drinking become a problem?

Drinking becomes a problem when it negatively effects our functioning (business or employment opportunities, family, and social relationships). It’s a simple definition. But what’s not simple is defining what “problem” means. Is it black or white (it’s either a problem or it’s not)? Remember the problem drinker will tend to see things in black or white—black and white thinking may be a clue.

But messages of “enjoyable” drinking saturate us from television, radio, and newspapers. It’s common for many social functions to have alcohol available. Depending on the people you associate with, the alcohol at social functions may be excessive or just readily available. But how do you discriminate?

Too easily we become like the frog in the pot of water slowly coming to a boil. Before we know it, we’re at problem levels. How do we get a reality check on the water temperature before drinking is a problem?

It’s the degree that matter

Because it’s difficult to determine the matter of degree when drinking is prevalent, there’s a continuum of risk associated with different levels of drinking. Like the frog metaphor, it can be difficult to discriminate the degree of change until we’re boiling.

Here’s a model from the National Institutes of Health that helps

At Risk (Risky Drinking)

• Currently, no negative consequences have been identified.
• The risk for potential adverse consequences seems low.

Mild to Moderate (Problem Drinking)

• One experience provides adverse consequences due to drinking behavior, but the drinking continues anyway.

Moderate to Severe (Alcohol Abuse)

• Role impairment (the drinker is having trouble fulfilling his or her responsibilities and roles as parent, worker, spouse, or other)
• Hazardous use (drinking is paired with driving, operating machinery, reckless sporting activities or something that creates an additional hazard)
• Recurrent legal problems related to alcohol
• Social or interpersonal problems due to alcohol

Severe (Alcohol Dependence)

• Increased tolerance (have to drink more to have the same subjective effect)
• Signs or symptoms of withdrawal (nausea, anxiety, sweating, paranoid, loss of memory, hand tremors)
• Drinking more or longer than intended.
• Unsuccessful attempts to control use (especially when one has tried)
• Decreased activities due to alcohol (social, work, recreational)
• Drinking continues despite knowledge of physical or psychological consequences.

Each category melds into the next with little distinction.

Consistent moderate to severe drinking has a significant negative effect on the physical body. Alcoholism is a disease. Enough alcohol over time increases the risk of alcoholism and health problems. The higher on the scale, obviously the more risk there is for the problem drinker.

But don’t forget about you and your family

When the risk goes up for the problem drinker, it also increases the potential risk for the family:

• Family members may become more distant
• Increased risk to outside risk coming into the family
• Increased distance from support system
• Increased risk of children acting out inappropriately
• Job security and income potential may be threatened

What can I do?

If the problem has been going on for a while, I’m guessing that however you’ve been handling it is your attempt at remedying the situation. It’s human nature for us to use strategies we believe will get our needs met. However, if the strategy you’ve been using isn’t working, you probably need to use another strategy.

When we look at this last statement from our head, it’s easy to say, “This makes sense.” But we’re not just our head. For us to take action, our head needs to make peace with our hearts and guts. The point is that just because it’s easy to understand in your head doesn’t mean it’s easy to do. It’s not easy at all. Yet if you want to make a change, you have to take the first step.

What would need to happen so that you really knew the time to act is now?

Remember the story at the beginning: If you place a frog in a pot of water and begin to heat the pot, the frog will boil to death without even realizing it.

Don’t let it happen to you.

Ten percent of the population abuses drugs & alcohol and 20% have substance-abuse problems. (American Family Physician, David Mersey, 4/2003)

The good news is you’re not alone. The bad news is that alcohol is so prevalent on media and in our culture that we may think considerable alcohol consumption is normal. If it’s a problem for you, it’s worth taking consistent steps towards improving it.

Others have done it and you can to!

To summarize, it’s difficult to assess drinking around you. The prevalence of alcohol in our culture and media creates an illusion of normalcy, when in fact there are levels of risk associated with drinking. There are risks to the drinker and risks to the family.

You can decrease the risk to your family.