It is a beautiful day and Persephone, Greek goddess and daughter of Zeus and Demeter, is out picking flowers in a lovely meadow. Suddenly the earth opens up before her. Out of the deepest, darkest place in the earth comes Hades, Lord of the Underworld. He is commandeering his black chariot drawn by four enormous black horses. He charges toward her. The noise is deafening. She is terrified. He grabs her as she screams in frightening protest. They encircle the meadow, once lovely and peaceful, now a place of horror and panic. The horses and chariot bearing Hades and the abducted Persephone plunge back into the opening in the earth, descending into the Underworld. The earth closes as if nothing has happened.

Illness is an abduction. It is as though someone from a dark and unknown place kidnaps you, holding you captive, disrupting you life as you knew it and forcing you to ask hard questions. Illness, an unavoidable fact of human existence,  forces us to dark and soul-searching places within. Illness always gets our attention.

Three things happen when we experience illness:

• Disruption
• Limitation
• Change in identity

Disruption

Illness has a way of turning your world upside down. It may come suddenly or slowly over time. Your illness could be just a minor setback or a major, life-threatening event. Your routine, your rhythm and “norm” is thrown off kilter. Illness always changes things. It is its nature. The usual ways of doing things gets shaken up, often leaving you feeling like you have just been in an earthquake. You feel shaken to your foundation and nothing is in its place. You find yourself utterly unable to keep the usual routines of your life. This abduction to a dark and unknown place brings with it fear, depression, and perhaps even a sense of hopelessness. This may leave you feeling that your sense of certainty about life has gone; the sense of what is important has now become interrupted. You find yourself struggling just to do ordinary things like preparing a meal, walking the dog, doing the laundry. You may feel tired or weak just getting through a day.

Limitation

What energy you do have seems to evaporate quickly. Limitation becomes the norm. It may feel like your body has betrayed you. As a captive, like Persephone, you may feel more defined by what you can’t do than what you can. You begin to curtail activities, cancel things. Plans get postponed. Returning phone calls or answering emails seems like a huge task. You feel tired before the day is over. Maybe your mind is foggy and you have trouble focusing. Pain limits your movement and contributes to your irritability. Even your ability to connect with something deeper within yourself has its limitations. Your life as you once knew it seems to have been kidnapped, eclipsed in this unwelcome place. The awareness of your limitations is now more evident than when you felt healthy.

Change in identity

Such an experience may leave you wondering who in the world you are. In our culture most of us identify who we are by what we do – our jobs, our activities, our roles. “I’m a program manager…I’m a mom…a social worker…a union member. When the disruptive influences of illness set in and you no longer feel as productive as before, you begin to wonder about your own value and worth. You may start thinking: What good am I to anyone? The way you used to see yourself is fractured. Your identification with what you do (defining who we are by what we do) falls apart when your doing is no longer the focus of your day. Lots of things need to be redefined. You ask yourself: Who am I now? You may begin to think of yourself as a burden to your family, your friends. And that is the one thing you never wanted to become.

The Silver Lining

You may be thinking: My life as I have known it is forever changed. You have become a full time resident in a place you did not choose. The temptation is to think that this illness is the now the major defining force in our life.

The good news is that you are more than your illness. You are not your disruptions, limitations or identity. You are not your illness. Much, much more lies within you. This abduction to a dark and unasked for place is the very experience that can lead you to find more meaning in your life.  Although it is a very unwelcome event, illness presents you with the invitation to explore deeper layers of yourself – even to discover hidden meaning. A greater sense of soulful living awaits you. As you ask, “what is the possible meaning or purpose of this illness” you open the door to discovering dormant parts of your Self. Help with your questions is available. Most people find it useful to talk things over with someone trained in leading you to the answers inside yourself. Such a person can offer support and guidance through this dark place.

Deep within the very experience of being ill there is hidden opportunity.  Within you is the potential to find new meaning. You have received the invitation to re-evaluate, restructure and discover. The illness itself can provide a motivation for a new guidance system, a reprogramming, if you will, of your inner GPS. Even though you cannot control your illness,
you can control your responses to it.

Here are three things you can do:

• Re-evaluate
• Restructure
• Discover

Re-evaluate

This “Underworld” in which you find yourself holds hidden knowledge. The annoying and frustrating disruption that illness brings holds a kind of “secret power”. That is the power to strip away what is unimportant. Set aside some time to make a list of your dearest treasures. Write these in a special journal or blank book dedicated to your time of illness. Ask yourself: What is it I treasure most in this life?

This process helps to bring things into perspective. Maybe you don’t “have to” go to that meeting. Maybe that business trip has to be cancelled. Maybe you have to ask someone else to pick up the kids. The division of labor in the household may have to be adjusted. This disruption actually forces you to decide what is most important. It allows you to decide what to let go of. It makes you plan your day in intentional ways. Your life gets more deliberate.

Restructure

Limitations can become a new structure for your day. A new way of ordering your life is now required. Because you have restrictions on your energy you necessarily structure tasks according to the optimal times when your energy is at its peak. You pare down your activity and make choices that are more thoughtful, more deliberate. You find yourself choosing what is more meaningful. If you experience limitations in your mobility, it forces you to think through the daily tasks carefully. What is something that you enjoy doing? How does it need to be restructured so that you can still experience it? For example, if you love to walk, ask yourself: What is it that I love about walking? Perhaps your answer is that what you love most is being in nature.  You can restructure what you love, ie being in nature, by sitting comfortably and taking note of all that you treasure in nature. Your mobility may be curtailed, but you can continue to experience the pleasure of being outdoors.

Discover

In this process you are sharpening your knowledge of what is important in your life. Old ways of doing things are questioned. This allows for fresh perspective, deepening insight and awareness. An illness, although an unwelcome visitor, presents the opportunity for uncovering deeper layers of yourself – even hidden meanings and soulfulness that was waiting for you. As you ask: What is the possible meaning or purpose of this illness? you open the door to discovering unknown parts of yourself. This exploration and discovery can be full of potential and hidden. Get out your journal or notebook and take a few moments to reflect on what is happening here. Think of a person whom you deeply love. Picture that person. Be present to the ways you feel that love. Jot down a few words or key phrases about this experience.

No illness, no amount of disruption, limitation or change in identity can change that love. You can continue to love and be loved, despite it all. You can uncover deeper layers to loving. The richness of life becomes evident in the internal dimensions of life more than the externals.

Summary

The experience of being ill often feels like an abduction to a dark, and frightening place. Illness absolutely challenges us. We experience disruption, limitations and changes in identity. Yet these very experiences draw us inward as they peel away more superficial layers to expose deeper meanings. If we use this opportunity to re-evaluate, restructure and discover, we can uncover what is truly important in our lives. Give yourself time to explore this new place and in time, you will know the treasures within.