When parents divorce, a series of events unfold that require thoughtful and considered decisions about the future of their children. The number of decisions made on a daily basis, in a crisis or for long-term planning, become starkly evident. Most people don’t realize how many decisions they make from one minute to the next. Nor do they often realize how much coordination it takes to make the family engine run smoothly.

The parenting plan is a valuable and living document

The Parenting Plan is not just a decision about where the children are sleeping each night. It is a valuable document that helps Mom and Dad remember the decisions they make about the large, important aspects of their children’s lives. Most co-parents find it helpful to have discussed these in advance and realize that it is a living document that changes as their children grow older, shift developmentally and have new and different needs. The following parenting plan examples should be included in your parenting plan template.

Vacation and holiday schedule

Each year, vacations and holidays mark important and sentimental moments in the lives of children as they grow up. They are important to parents too. The holiday schedule can be created for many years to come, however, the vacation schedule takes more attention each year. Make sure you come up with a date in early spring by when you will plan your summer vacations. Because vacations change the regular parenting schedule, make sure you put in the important details like the times for the exchanges and who is doing the driving.

School / daycare

This aspect of the document clearly changes as children grow up. For some it is easy to know what schools they will attend through high school. For others, there is the determination of which school system the children will be in depending on where the parents are living. Perhaps they will go to private school. There are many more questions to consider.

Religious upbringing

It helps to discuss this issue both in a marriage and after, especially if Mom and Dad have different faiths and practices. Not discussing it and agreeing on how to proceed often puts children in the middle of an unnecessary parental battleground.

Extracurricular activities

As simple as this one can be, it often becomes a bone of contention when the children’s’ activities span the parenting time for both parents. Agreeing ahead of time how activities will be decided on, supported and paid for, can relieve a great deal of tension.

Medical

Both the critical and non-critical decisions about your children’s health avoid problems later. Do you keep the same doctors, who takes them, how are appointments made, and what payment methods will you use are questions to consider. If there is an accident, what will you do when the children are in your care or when they are not? Whose consent is required? These questions and more make the crisis times less overwhelming than they already are.

Children’s belongings

This is another item that seems simple on the surface. It helps, however, to make clear agreements about clothing and toys before they feel like they are disappearing into a black hole at the other parent’s home.

New relationships

Avoid the feelings that arise when one of you moves on to a new relationship without knowing how you want to think about and prepare your children. Topics include timing and communication between parents. Help your children to not become the messengers for what is going on in each of your homes. They feel safest when they know their parents are more in control than they are.

Travel

When traveling with your children, what agreements would you like to make with each other? Where are their passports kept? What kind of contact is expected? Coming up with a plan when you aren’t also in the midst of planning the vacation takes pressure off.

Communication

Regular communication between co-parents is essential to the well-being of children. The more you each know about your children from each other, the less able the children are to lose out on events, doctor’s appointments, and the like. Finding a time that works for both of you that is not in earshot of the children is best.

When problems arise

There may still be times when your best efforts do not build the bridge. It is very helpful to arrange ahead of time what the steps are you will both take should you come to an impasse.

I hope this list gets you to start thinking about the decisions needing to be made. There are many details that go into a Parenting Plan. As with most things, the more you do up front, the less work you have to do when you are in the midst of the problem needing to be solved.