Think about it. You were born knowing how to be intimate. You were born open, trusting, and primed for intimacy. You loved to be touched, you never doubted that you were loved; you thrived on closeness. Unfortunately, for almost all of us, that state did not last. We experienced emotional neglect, traumas large and small, and all the rest of the bumps and tragedies of life. In the healthiest scenario, these painful experiences teach us wisdom; this person is trustworthy and that person is not (not confusing the two). The journey back to intimacy involves a reconnection with our natural innocence protected by our judgment and honed by experience.

Do you know that farm life can teach us about emotional intimacy in relationships?

The following observations are easy to identify but more challenging to put into practice. They also recycle through during a relationship.

Fertilize and prepare the soil

This is your inner work to become the best you can be in every area of your life including physical health, emotional health, professional success (as you see it), inner peace, public service, finances, and parenting.  Obviously, no one is perfect in every area. Just do the best you can and keep moving towards your goals knowing that you are working towards an intimate relationship.

Don’t step in the poop

Avoid the things that set you back from intimacy. At every moment, we are faced with choices. This means deciding not to get further involved with someone you know is not good for you. Get the support you need to help you make the right ones.

Choose good quality seeds

You may be doing everything right, but if you choose a partner who has a low intimacy quotient (IQ), the likelihood of having quality intimacy in the relationship drops dramatically. In some ways, this is the most important step and an important bit of new relationship advice.

Plant the right crop for the soil and season

You may pick a fantastic person for a partner, but are they right for you? Remember, it’s the combination of you two together that counts.

Water when necessary

The intimacy in your relationship must be maintained by loving actions on a daily basis. Find ways to surprise, delight, and nourish your partner and do this often!  Identify what works for you and communicate that to your partner.

Watch for pests and blight

Challenges happen. Don’t let problems fester. Get help when needed. When you can, know ahead of time how you will handle tough times.

Wait patiently while it grows

Intimacy is not instantaneous. If you have a partner with a good IQ, and you consistently build trust, it intimacy can naturally blossom.

Have a place to store the harvest

How large is your container for happiness? Do you have any subconscious programs that limit how happy you can be? Do you need to take care of any self-sabotaging patterns?

Harvest at the right time

Timing is everything. When someone goes for intimacy before the timing is rights, it is perceived as intrusive. That’s picking the crop too early. Not catching the moment is perceived as less interested in intimacy. That’s letting the crop sit in the field and spoil. This is true in the early stages of a relationship, like dating, but it also holds true in long-term relationships as they evolve.

Recycle the byproducts

It is possible to have your relationship running so well that what might have been an argument is fodder for more closeness. If something goes amiss, learn from it so you have a deeper understanding.