Living with pain: the long march

“My life went from an exciting ride to an endless march,” said one of my beleaguered clients during a group for chronic pain sufferers.

Living with pain is more than living with pain. It is formulating coping strategies to deal with the pain and any physical limitations that come with the pain. Then, it is managing the associated symptoms that accompany the disease and/or medications, symptoms such as mental fog, reduced concentration, memory issues, loss of appetite, dry mouth, and fatigue to name a few. And it is also adjusting to the social toll of pain: changing relations with family and friends, changes in lifestyle, and, often, changes in finances. Finally, carrying the emotional weight of it all can result in an every changing emotional canvas of increased irritability, grief, despair, anxiety, and depression.

5 ways that psychotherapy can help

Grief work and reconciliation

They are many layers to the grief you may feel about the losses you have incurred as a  pain sufferer.

“I can’t even remember what it is to feel ‘normal’ anymore.” 

“Never thought I’d say it, but I miss my job.”

“Nothing is easy any more.”

But the grief can also be rooted in what caused the pain to begin with, such as a traumatic accident or life-altering diagnosis. Working through the grief with a psychotherapist helps lighten the heavier feelings of grief. And by working through the grief, you will discover that you can reconcile yourself with life as it is now. From there you can say goodbye to what was lost and start discovering what is still to come.

Guided imagery and visualization

Guided imagery and visualization assist in tapping into deep and highly receptive states of being.  When you become skilled at tapping into these deeper states, you can learn to immerse and anchor yourself in a place of inner calm. One of my clients was left with irreparable neck and back trauma after a severe car wreck. At first he was doubtful about how visualization could help alleviate his wracking pain, but after he got used to the techniques, he said he was helped in two very important ways. First, he learned to relax himself when he felt his anxiety building in anticipation of his next muscle spasms. Second, he said that although he was not always successful in directing his mind to a quiet place during intense pain, he could sometimes. This gave him both a sense of remarkable relief and diminished his sense of helplessness in facing the pain.

Stress management and emotional release

“After fibromyalgia I went from depressed to angry—angry all the time. Angry at my doctors, angry at my life, angry at my family, angry at being angry, then too tired to be angry, then angry again.”

Our bodies are not separate from our thoughts and feelings. When you are stressed mentally and emotionally, your body reacts in a myriad of ways that can aggravate a pain episode. Therefore, carrying emotional pain and stress can exacerbate pain. By learning to manage stress as well as express and release bottled or seemingly unmanageable emotions, you optimize your body’s ability to relax and sustain itself in the healthiest way possible.

Talking about the pain

“I just don’t want to talk about it anymore—it’s not going to go away—so what’s the use.”

“All I ever do is talk about the pain; I can’t help it. I'm sick of it and so is my husband and kids.” 

For many clients talking about their experience of pain and their life with pain becomes a complicated matter. Maybe as some of my clients, you feel like you have exhausted the people around you. Maybe you, like other pain sufferers, keep the pain to yourself because you don’t want to trouble those you love. Maybe you, like other clients, just don’t want to burden them with the fact that there are days that you just want to give up—really give up. Psychotherapy provides you the opportunity to speak without the fear of being a burden, without having to be brave, and without guilt feelings. You can simply say what is on you heart and in your mind.

Group support

Living with pain can engender feelings of fear, isolation, anger and desperation. You may feel like nobody understands—that you are fed-up with well meaning but stupid advice from people who don’t have a clue about what you are going through. And then sometimes you may wonder how you will just get through another day. Often, speaking to other people who live with pain helps. It’s a chance to share experience of what it is like and to share tips, fears, tears and, even laughs with people who know what it’s like to live in a body that hurts.  

Life with pain: a new path

The endless march of a life with pain can come to a halt. The new road you are on may be bumpy with strange twists and curves, but with the help of psychotherapy, you can begin to feel like you are navigating your course, not your pain. You can learn ways to not let the pain consume your life. As you experience moments of greater relaxation and emotional release, you will discover that you can lead a fulfilling life, a different life perhaps, but a fulfilling life—despite the pain.